I showed him my bush... on skype.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
