I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I love having hate sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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