I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
be right there i have to get my cape
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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