I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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