i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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