I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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