They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
