margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
