I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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