Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
