just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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