If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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