things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
