He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
