just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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