i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
