Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
