He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
