you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
