and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
