It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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