We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
