if i can run in heels then i can drive
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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