i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
