I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
