dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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