grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
