What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
