I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
