It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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