xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
