my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
