i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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