Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
