I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
