I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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