Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
