i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
