I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
