u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
