i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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