Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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