so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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