So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
