So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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