Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
