i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
