Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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