ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
