explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
