Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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